Tuesday, January 5, 2016

Densest Element Added to Periodic Table

House of the Temple, Washington DC – In a Masonic first, researchers at a little known but highly active research facility located in the bunkers of the local “House of the Temple” have announced that they have discovered an unusual element that seems to defy the laws of physics.  The material, named Masteronium (M:.), is perhaps the most puzzling element known to man. 
Lead Researcher, Worshipful Bro. Addison Table, had this to say about the discovery, “It was the weirdest element we have ever investigated.  It’s virtually undetectable unless you place it in square enclosures, seal it off and stimulate it with cloth and shiny objects while repeating specific auditory level vibrations.”  He added, “Take the cloth and shiny objects away, stop the vibrations and remove it from the enclosure and it’s impossible to detect!”

When questioned further, another team member, Brother Juan Lineman had this to say, “We were almost ready to announce the discovery when one of our team detected even more bizarre attributes.  Seems the element tends to want to flow and form progressive lines when certain quantities of them are placed in these enclosures.”  He added, “ And their density noticeably increases the closer you get to the end of these lines.”
One older researcher, Right Worshipful Beater N. Meyeday, wasn’t too impressed with the find.  He had this to say, “This is nothing new.  This stuff has been around since time immemorial and these newbies think they found something new.”  He giggled and added, “These young'uns haven’t done anything Grand with them until they stack a whole bunch of these filled enclosures together and watch its density increase enough to form a black hole.” He sighed and finished with, “It’s the darnedest densest thing they'll ever see too.  Darn near impenetrable and immovable!”

The research team hasn’t been able to determine the atomic number to assign to the element, since the density vicissitudes wildly, depending upon how these elements are grouped together.  They suspect it may be somewhere close to 357 though, which will make it very difficult to place within the periodic table since it's nearly 3 magnitudes denser than the previously added elements.
One researcher, Brother Ian Gessing, claimed that “the element is unbelievably volatile, especially when dissimilar elements try to enter these enclosures once they have been closed off and cloth, shiny objects and sound have been added.”  He added, “Another mysterious aspect of the element is the denser it gets, the more it wants to rise up against the force of gravity.  We’re looking for ways to harness this quality but have yet to keep any of it stable enough to have any practical use.”
One research who asked to remain anonymous had this to say, “The others won’t tell you this because they want to figure out why before it’s reported." He paused, looked around and added, "There seems to be another element involved here that we've consistently found hidden in between the Masteronium.  We're calling it 'Pastmasteridium (Pm)' for now and we don't know if it's just another aspect phase of Masteronium or another yet undiscovered element.  It seems to mess with Masteronium in some truly spooky ways and has tremendous influence over how it behaves.”

He took a deep breath and continued, "Both elements seem to be most stable though when kept in the dark, but no one knows why just yet."

Further research is planned.  Stay tuned for further announcements about this most exciting discovery.


Brother John S. Nagy


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