Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Grand Lodge AL Declares Open Season on Ruffians

Montgomery AL – In an effort to clear out the Rubbish from its Temple, the Grand Lodge of Alabama has declared open season on Ruffians.  The move is yet one more made by several Grand Lodges around the world and over the past few years to improve the quality of the Craft by reducing membership counts involving poor quality members.

When asked about the motives behind the move, Grand Master Art N. Cianse said, “Well, it should be obvious as to why we took this step in the right direction.  Good God!  Even our Ritual tells us how to deal with them!"  He took a deep breath and added, "But it took far too long a time for us to get around to doing it.”

When pressed further as to why this specific step was being taken and why now, Art replied, “Okay, Okay!  Let me put it kindly… we’re hearing terrible stuff from the Brothers, at least, from those not too dramatized to talk about it.  A whole lot of our members are being driven off by the Rubbish these rogues are throwing at them.” He paused and continued, “Seeing as there’s only one source of Rubbish that we know of, we’re aiming our sights quite literally on taking out the trash.  The fact that we're having some good old fashion Southern style fun at the same time is purely a way to increase the retention of who we truly want in the organization.”

You might ask: What does open season mean?

Right Worshipful Y. Dewy Bother seemed to have the skinny on the details.  “We’re real keen on having fun and most of us like hunting." He snickered and added, "We figured we'd kill two birds with one maul so to speak by allowing our Brothers to have a daily three bag limit on any Ruffians they can track down and…” he hesitated a little, looking for the politically correct words to express himself. “…well, let’s just say the rubbish will be removed from the Temple once this whole project gets underway.”

Worshipful Brother Bring M. Hoeme, a spokesman for the Grand Lodge welcoming committee said, “This will be a double boon for the fraternity.  The members we already have will no longer have to deal with the Trumpery these Ruffians pile and throw everywhere.  We will offer our newest members a discounted Grand Lodge Sanctioned Ruffian Hunting License incentive just for joining. Current members will get a two for one deal when they bring in candidates who want to participate.”

When old timer and Past Master Worshipful Brother Willy Listen was asked his thoughts on this, his only reply was, "I sure wish we had free license to do this in my day.  It would have made a world of difference for generations of men coming through."

For details on obtaining one of these Official Ruffian License, please contact your local Lodge Secretary.


Brother John S. Nagy

PS -  If you're interested in a great Field Guide to the North American Ruffian, one that will show you how to identify them in their natural habitats, how to track them efficiently and deal with them more effectively, you can find it here.

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