FILED UNDER: Listen to Understand

When you hear a question from a candidate like, "What book would you recommend that I read to become better acquainted with the level I am at currently?" and you immediately respond with advice that does anything but address the question, you are not listening!

Responses like: 

1) "Don't read anything!"
2) "Just listen to your Coach and do what he says!"
3) "Oh, there's plenty of time for reading later. Just focus upon your Proficiencies!"
4) “Study what they told you to study no more...no less.” 

…do not address the candidate's question, “What book would you recommend …” or the needs of the candidates. They address your concerns and your needs.  

“What book would you recommend..?” is the primary focus and request of the candidate.  He further conditioned these with, “…that I read to become better acquainted with the level I am at currently?"  He already knows the danger of stepping outside due bounds.

Let's look at these typical responses.

1) "Don't read anything!"

Why would you ever give this poor advice?  Are you concerned the candidate may get swept away in reading? Are you concerned it might interfere with his proficiencies?  Are you concerned he might read something that may redirect him from what the Lodge wants him to focus upon?

If you are concerned about such things, there are plenty of Grand Lodges who provide level appropriate materials. Perhaps you should seek them out and read them for yourself.

2) "Just listen to your Coach and do what he says!"

You’re dealing with an individual who is seeking Light. He wants supplementary reading materials.  He wasn’t asking for anything that is out of due bounds for his level.  If he has any kind of integrity for what is best for his journey, do you think he will ever ask you for direction again?

3) "Oh, there's plenty of time for reading later. Just focus upon your Proficiencies!"

The Candidate is not on your schedule. He has his own. He came to you for something specific and you just dismissed him.  And you justified it using your own measure, not his.  What thoughts do you think will go through his head when you say something in the future? Who do you think he will approach next time he is seeking Light?

4) “Study what they told you to study no more...no less.”

This is the ultimate parent to child command.  If he listens to you, you are directing him as a child and not addressing him as the adult you would want in your Lodge.  If he recognized your command for what it is, he will likely avoid interactions with you into the future. He will know that you not only do not listen, but you have a preconceived notion as to how you perceive him in your world. 

Not one of these four responses gives any deep thought whatsoever as to the Brother's original request. You failed to listen and said what was likely said to you if you asked for the same thing. You were not listening!

The Brother asked for an appropriate resource! He did not ask for advice as to what he should do! 

Is it any small wonder as to why Brothers become disappointed, leave and never come back? Not only are they not being heard, they are not getting what they ask for, repeatedly! 

If you want to have change for the better and to have that change impact your Lodge, you'd better learn to listen to understand.  If you do not, you'll sabotage all future communications with anyone who seeks you for Light.

Fraternally & Sincerely, 

-- Coach John S Nagy