A Brother Asks: Coach
Nagy, about 3 years ago I had the pleasure of going through both the Entered Apprentice and
Fellow-Craft degrees at my local Lodge. Coach: Congratulations!
Brother: Thanks! Unfortunately, my wife had friends and family who goaded her
into believing unfounded conspiracy beliefs in regards to Freemasonry. Their influence was profound.
Coach: I know such things can cause some unnecessary friction in relationships. How did you handle this with your wife?
Brother: I made the decision to respect my wife's request to step away from
Freemasonry. I did continue to try and discuss my membership with her. I pointed out all the
wonderful things Freemasons have done for our community, nation, and
within the lives of fellow Brothers. But she is still dead-set against my involvement.
Coach: I'm very saddened to hear this. Did you cut off all of your Masonic pursuits?
Brother: No. That's not going to stop. I still read about Masonry regularly. I enjoy quite a few Masonic podcasts as well. I even stay in touch with many on my Masonic Brothers from my lodge. I'm just not a member of the local Lodge.
Coach: I'm glad to know that you're continuing your connection and that you're still pursuing further Light, albeit, even though it's on the side. No relationship should ever prevent a soul from what it desires when what that soul desires is good for it.
Brother: I agree. And that's the issue. I really would like to re-engage and complete my Master Mason degree and become active in my local Lodge. I want to be with my Brothers. But if I were to do any of this, I truly need to
ensure my wife is supportive.
Coach: That's a wise condition!
Brother: Thanks. I'm glad that you see this condition to be necessary. And that's the reason I approached you. I need to know. Are there resources you would recommend to help her see the truth about
Freemasonry?
Have you any advice? I would be much appreciative if there is anything that you could share.
Coach: Let me start by saying that there's a old saying, "A man convinced against
his will is of the same opinion still." I say this because something crucial must be pointed out here.
Brother: What's that?
Coach: Either your wife trusts you; or she doesn't.
And that trust is at the heart of her issue with you as a fellow human
being and her partner in life.
From what little you have shared, it's pretty clear that she would rather trust her friends and family of origin members than place genuine and unwavering trust in your ability to make
the right decisions and choices on your own and for the best interests of your closest family - her.
And, in this respect, it is a control issue between her and you, and in
that specific order.
So, I wish you the best in your situation as described.
I wish there were better advice that I could offer. But there's an
underlying issue that needs to be addressed before membership should be
discussed.
There
are no resources that I would ever recommend to anyone trying to help someone else see the truth, especially when the mistrusting individual's loyalty is not to the person sharing those resources.
Brother: Loyalty?
Coach: Yes, loyalty. Please consider the following. Rather than remain true to you and support your pursuits, she is harkening to voices that are outside her marriage to you; the owner of the one voice to which she should be most loyal.
Brother: Wow! That's a related issue that I had not thought about. Although, your words are hitting hard!
Coach: Loyalty and trust are not things that are often considered when the superficial issues are clouding one's thoughts.
Brother: Thank
you for the honest response and wholeheartedly agree that these are
issues. I very much appreciate you taking the time to respond.
Coach: You're most welcome. Thank you for reaching out and asking me for my best thoughts on this matter. You've honored me with your approach and I appreciate the trust that you have placed in me on this delicate issue.
I pray that the both of you can move past these issues and reestablish the trust and loyalty that a marriage should be founded upon.