Candidate Achmed Bonaparte Expected to Recover |
Dry Bones AZ – In an unexpected late evening press conference held outside the Arizona Grand Lodge Building this last Tuesday, a spokesman for the institution reported
that all future Raisings have been suspended indefinitely. When asked why, Grand Line Officer Will Squasher said new
developments with the Fellow Craft union have brought to light the adverse
effects of a new unsanctioned grip employed during that night’s Third Degree.
When
asked specifics about what occurred, Brother Squasher said, “It's not surprising. Lately we’ve
had some Ruffians not following our strict script guidelines for Degrees. One small informally organized group conspired to change their group’s reputation
by Raising the Candidate on the second attempt.” He grimaced and added, “Unfortunately,
they actually succeeded this time but the results were just downright ugly.”
When
pressed for further information, one witness of the Raising who asked for anonymity
had this to say, “Oh Lord!" He paused to compose himself, "My God it was terrible! I’ve
never seen the degree team zeal for authenticity and recognition taken this far. The poor candidate had his flesh cleaved
from his bones!” The Brother was visibly shaken, but continued, “Sure, the Fellow Crafts were able to pull him up prematurely,
but the poor sot was nothing but skin and bones as a result.”
“We’ve
suspected for some time now that the Fellow Crafts were planning something like
this", grumbled Old Past Master Ian Mieday. "It’s totally off script and they
know it.”
He added, “Had they only been patient and allowed us to stay on script,
that poor candidate would not have had the shock of his life.”
A
Degree Team Organizer by the name of Brother Ceep M. Inlyne reported that the
unfortunate candidate, Achmed Bonaparte, who was Raised earlier that evening was
in stable condition and thought what occurred was actually part of the
show.
All
present have agreed that further Fellow Craft Training was necessary and this should stave off any repeats
of that evening’s performance.
Those
wishing to contribute to the Candidate’s relief fund, please direct them toward
your local Shiner’s Hospital.
F&S,
Brother John S. Nagy
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