|Candidate Achmed Bonaparte |
Expected to Recover
Dry Bones AZ – In an unexpected late evening press conference held outside the Arizona Grand Lodge Building this last Tuesday, a spokesman for the institution reported that all future Raisings have been suspended indefinitely. When asked why, Grand Line Officer Will Squasher said new developments with the Fellow Craft union have brought to light the adverse effects of a new unsanctioned grip employed during that night’s Third Degree.
When asked specifics about what occurred, Brother Squasher said, “It's not surprising. Lately we’ve had some Ruffians not following our strict script guidelines for Degrees. One small informally organized group conspired to change their group’s reputation by Raising the Candidate on the second attempt.” He grimaced and added, “Unfortunately, they actually succeeded this time but the results were just downright ugly.”
When pressed for further information, one witness of the Raising who asked for anonymity had this to say, “Oh Lord!" He paused to compose himself, "My God it was terrible! I’ve never seen the degree team zeal for authenticity and recognition taken this far. The poor candidate had his flesh cleaved from his bones!” The Brother was visibly shaken, but continued, “Sure, the Fellow Crafts were able to pull him up prematurely, but the poor sot was nothing but skin and bones as a result.”
“We’ve suspected for some time now that the Fellow Crafts were planning something like this", grumbled Old Past Master Ian Mieday. "It’s totally off script and they know it.” He added, “Had they only been patient and allowed us to stay on script, that poor candidate would not have had the shock of his life.”
A Degree Team Organizer by the name of Brother Ceep M. Inlyne reported that the unfortunate candidate, Achmed Bonaparte, who was Raised earlier that evening was in stable condition and thought what occurred was actually part of the show.
All present have agreed that further Fellow Craft Training was necessary and this should stave off any repeats of that evening’s performance.
Those wishing to contribute to the Candidate’s relief fund, please direct them toward your local Shiner’s Hospital.
Brother John S. Nagy