FILED UNDER: Listen to Understand

When you hear a question from a candidate like, "What book would you recommend that I read to become better acquainted with the level I am at currently?" and you immediately respond with advice that does anything but address the question, you are not listening!

Responses like: 

1) "Don't read anything!"
2) "Just listen to your Coach and do what he says!"
3) "Oh, there's plenty of time for reading later. Just focus upon your Proficiencies!"
4) “Study what they told you to study no more...no less.” 

…do not address the candidate's question, “What book would you recommend …” or the needs of the candidates. They address your concerns and your needs.  

“What book would you recommend..?” is the primary focus and request of the candidate.  He further conditioned these with, “…that I read to become better acquainted with the level I am at currently?"  He already knows the danger of stepping outside due bounds.

Let's look at these typical responses.

1) "Don't read anything!"

Why would you ever give this poor advice?  Are you concerned the candidate may get swept away in reading? Are you concerned it might interfere with his proficiencies?  Are you concerned he might read something that may redirect him from what the Lodge wants him to focus upon?

If you are concerned about such things, there are plenty of Grand Lodges who provide level appropriate materials. Perhaps you should seek them out and read them for yourself.

2) "Just listen to your Coach and do what he says!"

You’re dealing with an individual who is seeking Light. He wants supplementary reading materials.  He wasn’t asking for anything that is out of due bounds for his level.  If he has any kind of integrity for what is best for his journey, do you think he will ever ask you for direction again?

3) "Oh, there's plenty of time for reading later. Just focus upon your Proficiencies!"

The Candidate is not on your schedule. He has his own. He came to you for something specific and you just dismissed him.  And you justified it using your own measure, not his.  What thoughts do you think will go through his head when you say something in the future? Who do you think he will approach next time he is seeking Light?

4) “Study what they told you to study no more...no less.”

This is the ultimate parent to child command.  If he listens to you, you are directing him as a child and not addressing him as the adult you would want in your Lodge.  If he recognized your command for what it is, he will likely avoid interactions with you into the future. He will know that you not only do not listen, but you have a preconceived notion as to how you perceive him in your world. 

Not one of these four responses gives any deep thought whatsoever as to the Brother's original request. You failed to listen and said what was likely said to you if you asked for the same thing. You were not listening!

The Brother asked for an appropriate resource! He did not ask for advice as to what he should do! 

Is it any small wonder as to why Brothers become disappointed, leave and never come back? Not only are they not being heard, they are not getting what they ask for, repeatedly! 

If you want to have change for the better and to have that change impact your Lodge, you'd better learn to listen to understand.  If you do not, you'll sabotage all future communications with anyone who seeks you for Light.

Fraternally & Sincerely, 

-- Coach John S Nagy 

Help, Aid & Assist Distant Membership Seekers

(There are many membership seekers who contact existing members on line for assistance in becoming a member.  Here is an article/response that you can link to when you get contacted through social media networks regarding these membership queries.)
 
A Membership Seeker Asks:  I want to be part of Freemasons now. Can you help me?
 
My Response:  Are you seeking to become a member of the Freemasonic Order?
 
He Continues: Yes!
 
My Response:  Okay.  Where do you live?

He Continues: I live in [location deleted by me].
 

My Response:  Thank you. You are outside of my area.  You have several options.  Here are only a few, with caveats:

1. When Freemasonic Orders are outlawed in your area:
• Immediately stop any further activities or you will put yourself in harms way. I cannot stress this any more emphatically.
2. When Freemasonic Orders are legal in your area, you should:
• Identify a local lodge member, make contact with him and ask for a petition. If he turns you down, find out if it is the local practice/tradition of turning membership seekers down several times before acceptance and act accordingly.
• Identify a local lodge, make contact with the lodge secretary and ask for a petition. Same "if" as above applies.
• Identify a Grand Lodge, contact the Grand Lodge secretary and ask for a petition. Same "if" as above applies.

He Continues:  But you are a member of Freemasons.  Would you help me join?

 
My Response:  I have done just that.
 
He Continues: I know that you want to help me ... But honestly, I do not know of any places in my area... Please let me talk to some members you know in my area, give them my phone number (############), or give me a phone number of a member and I will take it from there.
 
My Response:  It's not that I will not help you any further.  What you are asking me to do is not something I can or should engage in, and for many specific reasons.  You must do these things for yourself.
 
He Continues:  But you are a member of Freemasons. Why will you not help me further?  
 
My Response: That is a extremely important question.  Thanks for asking.  Here's why:

1. You are asking an existing member...
• from a different area than yours,
• who has no influence whatsoever over the lodges or lodge members in your area,
• whom you do not know,
• who does not know you,
• to do something further that he should not do. 
2. In some areas, you MUST already have an existing relationship with a member of a lodge in your area; not members outside your area, especially those that do not know you and that you don't know.  In this case, you MUST wait for that person to propose you to the lodge before a petition will be offered to you.
3. I am not from your area and therefore cannot tell you what lodge to approach as it is NOT in my area and within my knowledge.
4. You asked for advice/help/support.  What is offered to you is exactly what you can and should expect to receive from an unknown stranger and outsider to your area.
5. Your next step it to locate a lodge near you, ask for its admission requirements and then you should act accordingly.

One more caveat you should consider when seeking membership:  There are many bogus groups and individuals who claim to be members of Freemasonic Orders.  Be CAUTIOUS of their Scams!
 
He Continues: Well, okay. Thank you very much.
 
My Response: You're most welcome...  Good Luck!

BTW - A good Brother made an awesome video that expands upon this theme.  You can find it here:  https://youtu.be/pmEO_eA-idg
I high recommend you listen carefully to what this Brother has to say and what he has to offer you in your current situation.

Respectfully,
 
Coach John S Nagy

A Future Brother Asks... Scams

A Membership Seeker Asks: How do I know I might be scammed by those who seek me to join?

My Response: You are likely to become a victim of a membership scam...

1. If any member approaches you first to ask you to join. 
• The exception is that some jurisdictions allow members to let a non-member know that they would make a good member, but they allow this to occur only once. 
2. If any member tells you that they can make you a member. 
• They cannot.  They can only provide you a petition.  It is up to the Lodge to make you a member and that is through a specific process.
3. If any member approaches you and tells you that you'll make money or have greater influence by being a member. 
• Legitimate Freemason costs you money to be a member; it will not make you any money or give you influence outside the organization.
4. If any member asks you for money to help him in any way, and especially related to making you a member, other than suitable initiation fees.  (Check with the Grand Lodge office in your area to verify!)
• Other than initiation fees, and dues to be paid once you are a member, no member should be asking you for any money.
5. If any member abuses you verbally or physically as part of your interview process or your initiation.
• Freemasonry is not about abuse in any way shape or form.
6. If any member approaching you doesn't have legitimate connections to Grand Lodges that are Recognized by UGLE, GLS or GLI.
• Unrecognized Lodges are not legitimate.  Stay away from them and their members.
7. SPECIAL WARNING: If they mention "Illuminati" even once, RUN!  
1. They are NOT legitimate.
2. You are being SET UP for a scam.
3. You will not come out of any exchange better off in any way.
4. No matter what is offered to you, the price you pay will far out-weigh what you lose in the exchange.
   

There are other things to look for, but these are a few that should raise red flags. 

Good Luck!

F&S,

Bro. John S Nagy

The Summons Silenced

 

Don't expect to bring back to the lodge

those who have fled for good reasons...

 

A member of a certain Lodge, who previously attended meetings regularly, had stopped going. After a few months, the Worshipful Master decided to visit him. It was a chilly evening, and the Worshipful Master found his brother at home alone, sitting before a blazing fire.

Guessing the reason for the Worshipful Master’s visit, the brother welcomed him, led him to a comfortable chair near the fireplace and waited. The Worshipful Master made himself comfortable, but said nothing.

In the grave silence, he contemplated the dance of the flames around the burning logs. After several minutes, the Worshipful Master took the fire tongs, carefully picked up a brightly burning ember and placed it to one side of the hearth, all alone. Then he sat back in his chair, still silent.

His host watched all of this in quiet contemplation. As the one, lone ember’s flame flickered and diminished, there was a momentary glow, and its fire was all but gone. The host Brother soon reached out and put the ember back into the flue’s draft.  He then scooped up the other embers with the ash shovel and put them in an ash bucket, closed its heavy lid down upon it, and sealed them off from the natural draft.  He sat back and enjoyed the warm glow of the remaining ember, now flared up in brilliant glow brought about by the swift flow of the flue draft.

The Worshipful Master raised his eyebrows but remained silent.  After a while he glanced at his watch and chose this time to leave. He slowly stood up, removed the lid to expose the cold dead embers that were sealed away, and placed them back in the flue draft with the one remaining glowing ember. As they were exposed to its warm heat, they sprung to life and began to glow once more and with all the light and warmth of the one burning ember that had remained in the flue’s draft.

The Worshipful Master turned to leave, and as he reached the door, he turned back toward  the host Brother and said with a tear running down his cheek, “Thank you so much for your fiery response, my brother. I’ll make sure we make the necessary changes before I visit with you again.”

-- Brother John S. Nagy
(with sincere appreciation to both the original and the unknown authors*)

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* The Silent Summons (Based upon "The Lonely Ember**")

   A member of a certain Lodge, who previously attended meetings regularly, had stopped going. After a few months, the Worshipful Master decided to visit him. It was a chilly evening, and the Worshipful Master found his brother at home alone, sitting before a blazing fire.
   Guessing the reason for the Worshipful Master’s visit, the brother welcomed him, led him to a comfortable chair near the fireplace and waited. The Worshipful Master made himself comfortable, but said nothing.
  In the grave silence, he contemplated the dance of the flames around the burning logs. After several minutes, the Worshipful Master took the fire tongs, carefully picked up a brightly burning ember and placed it to one side of the hearth, all alone. Then he sat back in his chair, still silent.
   His host watched all of this in quiet contemplation. As the one, lone ember’s flame flickered and diminished, there was a momentary glow, and its fire was no more. Soon, it was cold and dead.
   Not a word had been spoken since the initial greeting. The Worshipful Master glanced at his watch and chose this time to leave. He slowly stood up, picked up the cold, dead ember, and placed it back in the middle of the fire. Immediately, it began to glow once more, with all the light and warmth of the burning coals around it.
   As the Worshipful Master reached the door to leave, his host said, with a tear running down his cheek, “Thank you so much for your fiery summons, my brother. I’ll be back in our Lodge next meeting.”

-- Author Unknown

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The Lonely Ember by Dr. John MacArthur

  A member of a certain church, who previously had been attending services regularly, stopped going.
  After a few weeks, the pastor decided to visit him. It was a chilly evening. The pastor found the man at home alone, sitting before a blazing fire.
  Guessing the reason for his pastor's visit, the man welcomed him, led him to a big chair near the fireplace and waited. The pastor made himself comfortable but said nothing. In the grave silence, he contemplated the play of the flames around the burning logs.
  After some minutes, the pastor took the fire tongs, carefully picked up a brightly burning ember and placed it to one side of the hearth all alone. Then he sat back in his chair, still silent. The host watched all this in quiet fascination.
  As the one lone ember's flame diminished, there was a momentary glow and then its fire was no more. Soon it was cold and "dead as a doornail."
  Not a word had been spoken since the initial greeting.
  Just before the pastor was ready to leave, he picked up the cold, dead ember and placed it back in the middle of the fire. Immediately it began to glow once more with the light and warmth of the burning coals around it.
  As the pastor reached the door to leave, his host said, "Thank you so much for your visit and especially for the fiery sermon. I shall be back in church next Sunday."