A Brother Asks[1]: Coach. I was brought into
some business situations by a Brother who wanted to be paid cash only. I engaged in these opportunities alongside him
in good faith and things worked out because those paying him didn’t require any
tracking, insurance or certifications. Initially,
these “cash only” situations were between him and those who were paying him,
not me, and they did not affect me, at least, not directly.
Ultimately, more opportunities opened
up and, to take advantage of them, my business operations were required to deal
with these other businesses directly. However,
since my business was now doing direct business with these other businesses, my
Brother wanted to work for me in these opportunities and he wanted to do so for
cash only, as he did before in the other situations.
And there is where the problems started. These new opportunities
required tracked payments, proof of insurance and proof of credentials. I could
provide all this for my Brother through my business but he wanted no part of any
of these aspects, even though I could provide them to and for him with his
cooperation. I’m still engaged in these
opportunities but I can’t include him since he has made it impossible based
upon his constraints. He is quite upset about me not bending to
his will on this.
The trouble he is causing now is insane. He is an officer in my
Lodge and has shared his dissatisfaction of the situation with other Lodge
Brothers. Some have approached me with
what he is saying about me. It is causing disharmony for all involved. I’m also finding out that this is not new
behavior for him. He was run out of a
previous Lodge for similar activities. I
have attempted repeatedly to contact him but he refuses to respond to any
effort I make.
Coach!
Do you have any insights or suggestions?
My Response: Yes Bro.! Please stop seeking to reconcile with him. You shall never find peace and satisfaction with this man based upon the game that is being played by him.
From what you wrote, you did him a
favor by offering him an opportunity to participate and he didn't want to reciprocate professionally. He chose to not cooperate
with you and not to contribute his fare share to assure that he could continue working with
you. That reeks of obligation violation.
Furthermore, payment in cash means that he
doesn't want to have his income tracked. The fact that he will work for
"cash only" tells me that he is involved in an unethical and
potentially illegal game financially and wants to consciously and deliberately usurp whatever rules that
govern his financial situation.
You are doing things legally, morally
and ethically and he expects you to not do this to have him involved. He does
not have the right to complain if you offered him an opportunity to work with
you under specific conditions that prevent YOU from getting in trouble.
Brother. Stop the game. He is offering
you a place in his Drama Triangle
to control you and to obtain power over you and over all that will listen to
his "story". He is engaged in emotional blackmail and manipulation
and that is not what friends or Brothers do to one another.
Don't give it to his game. Accept that
he doesn't see that he
If all that you say is true, you have
done NOTHING WRONG, other than allow yourself to feel unnecessary guilt over
all this.- is not on the level with you,
- not being upright in his dealings with you and others; and
- is being immoral in his choices and expectations.
But this is not all of it
Brother. Here are some thoughts to
consider for your business.
Because of my varied professions ( I
wear 4 business hats), I have many opportunities to do business with Brothers;
and I do just that -- Business.
I now have engagement letters that
establish what is required and expected in any business arrangement. Very few
Brothers dishonor me due to me:
-
being up front with what is expected to be engaged in and delivered from each of us; and
- expecting them to do the
same.
When I am asked to participate in
anything underhanded, no matter how slight, I say no deal and move on.
It's an interesting experience to have
a Brother spell out in writing what they expect from me. Most will not spell
out anything underhanded because they realize by writing it out, they are
admitting that they are asking me to engage in something that is wrong to some
degree (yes, punned allusion intended!). An upright, level and square Brother has no problem writing out what is agreed to and actually prefers it (Think Trestleboard!)
I have many great business deals with
my Brothers and I shall continue to do the same as long as I am still working.
That being said, I've had a few dishonoring Brotherly engagements
that drove me to use an engagement letter for all opportunities. These
dishonoring Brothers are still in debt to me for what I provided to them. The
interesting thing is that these Brothers are so bogged down due to other
accountabilities that they have been trying to out run that they will likely go to
their death never cleaning up the messes that they have been making. The sad aspect
is many of them have no clue that they are engaging in life dishonorably. They
have no clue that the obligation about wronging, cheating and defrauding others covers
not only material (physical, legal, moral or ethical) things, but intellectual,
emotional, and spiritual things as well.
Case in point, by asking you to engage
as your Brother desires you to engage, how would you be wronged, cheated or
defrauded out of material (physical, legal, moral or ethical), intellectual,
emotional, and spiritual values that you hold in high regard? As a
business professional, I see quite a few things immediately and I hope that you
do too.
I hope this question puts a different
focus on your situation!
The engagement letters I currently
have and employ have helped me minimize the influence of unethical and
irresponsible Brothers and others on my life and I waste less time with these
sorts than ever before. I whole heartedly recommend that you do the same into
the future.
Brother, you have had a lot of lessons presented
to you in this situation. They were lessons only though. If you wish to learn
from them, your behavior must change in line with the lessons presented. Until your behavior changes along these lines, all you have are lessons.
Of course, you could avoid doing business with
your Brothers in general. That behavior change might protect you from those who might do things like this, but it
won't protect you from the true problem that you caused by not having good
business practices in place when it comes to working with anyone - known or
unknown.
However, you could also do business with your
good Brothers and others in a way that protects you and them from the situation
at hand.
You know what you should do to assure
good business into the future. Do it and don't look back.
An afterthought observation and question: - Although I don't think he realizes it, your Brother did you a great service to you by distancing himself from you as he did.
- When
you choose to look the other way when a Brother purposely gets paid in cash to
avoid tracking, should that not be a fair warning to walk away too?
Brother John S. Nagy
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