A Brother Asks... Why no Improvement Support Systems?

A Brother Asks:  If Freemasonry is supposed to make good men better, why doesn't it provide systems to do this?

My Response: The entire structure of Freemasonry is designed only to point the way toward betterment.  It is not designed to directly support the way toward betterment.

It will continue to work this way until the Craft realizes that pointing the way is not enough for those who want more and for those who want to attract and keep members involved.

Blue Lodge Freemasonry offers to candidates three maps that can help every one of them become a Better Man. However, it is ENTIRELY up to each candidate to learn how to read and follow these maps; the Craft as a whole cannot do this for them and for good reasons too.

Brother: Why is this?

Coach: The first reason is simple... The Craft were not taught that they were given these maps and they were not shown how to read them or follow them.  The system is sadly remise in supporting this end. As it is now, you have an entire organization of males who were never taught more than skills that preserve and act out Freemasonic scripts and choreography, but never engaging in what Freemasonry directs them to do.

Brother: And the second reason?

Coach: Freemasonry rightfully assumes that each Candidate is Mature enough to Do "The Work" on his own.  When they are not mature enough, they shall find the organization fundamentally unfulfilling, foundationally flawed and ultimately boring. As they should since that is the reality that they have embraced and are engaged in.

This is the nature of males too immature to Grasp Responsibility for improving themselves and their own lives. 

Freemasonic Organizations are the ultimate "Self-Help" groups, as in, each Candidate must HELP THEMSELVES. 

Brother: Why is this?

Coach:  Because, when things are working correctly, no one within the organization is going do it for them! They already know that they can't.  

They already know through experience that Mastery cannot be handed over; it must be cultivated from within by the directed Work of the person wanting it.

Brother: What does this mean?

Coach: This doesn't mean that the system doesn't have programs designed to assist in running its operations.  It simply means that these programs are intended to support the system and only indirectly improve the men so that the system can be better supported.

 

F&S,

 

Brother John S Nagy

 

 

 

A Brother Asks... The Speculative Illusion?

A Brother Asks: Is Freemasonry truly a continuation of operative masonry?

My Response: No, it is not. 

Brother: Wow! That's not the answer I expected.  Would you please expand on this?

Coach: Sure! Although the Freemasonic lore espoused in lodges tells us that Freemasonry is a continuation of Stonecraft, the reality is something entirely different. 

Brother: What is the reality?

Coach: Freemasonry is a continuation of Mystery Play Productions.

Brother: Mystery Plays?

Coach: Yes!  These were plays put on by most all Guilds, and not just Stonecraft organizations. 

Brother: Other guilds put on these plays?

Coach: Yes.  These were occupation "produced and sponsored" public plays put on under the premise of educating and entertaining the masses. 

Brother: Interesting!

Coach: Indeed!  They also served the purpose of product and service placement for marketing purposes.

Brother: Marketing? Wow!

Coach: Yes.  In the case of Freemasonic societies, they have collectively privatized their plays.  

Brother: Privatized?

Coach: Yes. That is the original meaning behind the word "peculiar" in the phrase, "peculiar system of morality," used to describe Freemasonry.

Brother: Yikes!  That makes so much sense!

Coach: Yes, and it's hidden in plain sight too!

Brother: Indeed! 

 They put these morality plays on for paying patrons who wish to join the society.  The joining is called "Being Made" and also "Being Accepted" and occurs through morality plays called "The Entered Apprentice Degree".  These plays are provided to joining members as an initiation ritual.  Once "Accepted", modern members are also "Admitted" into the lodge that produced the play.

Brother: How do you explain The Lodge of Edinburgh #1 (Mary's Chapel) which has its minutes unbroken since 1599? They were then entirely operative. They are now entirely speculative. The minutes document the transition. 

Coach: Yes, they were originally entirely operative according to their unbroken documents. Yes, it is clear that at some point they changed their business model and hence their operation.  They transitioned:

1) from working on stone and selling their stonecraft skills and products
2) to selling memberships to men to experience total-immersion live-action alternative-reality role-playing social-theater that was scripted using the lexicon, symbols and fabricated lore of stoneworkers with the intent to put on morality plays for private patrons​ with this basis and for moral purposes.

It is not likely that this transition was instantaneous, deliberate and purposeful.  It is more likely that it was a series of decisions and choices based upon money, personal interests, short term goals, and opportunities presented to the membership over many years.

When you examine what these Stonecraft Lodge members did then and what Freemasons do now, it should be clear that the two operations are as different from each other as living the dream and acting out a fantasy. It should also be clear too that their business model was originally premised upon bringing members in to teach them stonecraft and to make them productive stonecraft workers for the business.

The moment they chose to include members who were not going to support that business model is the moment they chose to sell membership into something else to create a revenue stream not dependent upon sales of stonecraft product and services but upon an offered theatrical modality that was not stonecraft.

Keep in mind, the common thread between the stonecraft lodge activities and what is now referred to as the early "speculative" period was the dinner parties both offered that included drinking, eating, singing, discourse, social intercourse and, ...wait for it... entertainment.

It should also be clear that the wives of these included non-stonecraft working men had to be appeased of their concerns.  After about 100 years or so of doing these dinner party activities, the society enacted a rule to assure that no man could be excluded due to the concerns of his wife, who might fear that her husband was part of a dinner party society that had women as members.

Sadly, there is very little dinner party activity going on in our modern Grand Lodge era. All that we typically have offered to us now, beyond the usual Degree activities, are boring business meetings, installations and Grand Lodge Entourage visits.

I emphasize one point though.  Freemasonry as it is typically practiced today is not now speculative.

Brother: It's not?

Coach: It's not! Being "Speculative" denotes being a "speculative equivalent" of an "operative version". Freemasonry is not an equivalent representation.  If any Freemasonic organization was to authentically claim to be a Speculative version of Operative Masonry, they would have to practice the Speculative aspects of Operative Masonry and not just give it lip-service that claims the title without ever doing the Work that justified the title.

In the case that you provide, it should be clear.  Just because a business doing Stonecraft kept minutes over a long time and these minutes showed that they transitioned their business model, doesn't mean that they are continuing what they did before the transitioned; they are not. No matter what illusion members who interpret their minutes want to have you buy into, calling a sausage an orange doesn't make what you have an orange; it's still a sausage.  The same applies to the labels they put forth.  Calling what Freemasons currently do "Speculative" doesn't make it so. It's quaint, and it's romantic, but it's inaccurate and mislabeling.

From a wider view, the evidence is clear. Freemasonry is not a continuation of what Stonecraft Masons did prior to about 1717 (or what they did after then for that matter!) Freemasonry is not even close to being a speculative version of operative masonry. What they (stonecraft lodges) did (stonework for fee) and what we (Freemasons) do (total-immersion live-action alternative-reality role-playing social-theater with a moral purpose for fee) are two entirely different activities and practices and are not even analogously equivalent.   

Brother: They're not?  Please explain!

Coach: Sure.  Let's get into this a bit.

If you do not believe my claim, ask yourself the following four questions:

1. Did you actually serve any apprenticeship whatsoever that established and cultivated a strong foundation for doing Speculative Work. 
2. Did you actually receive any Training whatsoever to do Speculative Work? 
3. Did you actually put forth a Masterpiece of Speculative Work to earn that Master Mason title?
4. Can you clearly and concisely explain to another human being what Speculative Work actually is, without describing theatrical training? 

Speculation is not just learning scripts and acting them out.  Claiming a Speculative connection to Operative Stonecraft is like saying that, because we put on plays using archeological references, tools and stories, that makes us a speculative version of archeology or because we put on plays spouting and espousing the ancient Greek Philosophy of Plato that we are modern Platonists.  We would not be a speculative version of either.  We would still be a theatrical society putting on plays and role playing what the script and choreography called for.

The practices Stonecraft Masons had and the practices we modern day Freemasons have are not different versions (Op. v Spec.) of each other. The two are not even close.

The fantasy is fun and quite enjoyable and participation does bring rewards, but the reality of our practices is far from the romantic dogma provided through most channels who have an invested interest in keeping the fantasy alive.  Keeping all this in mind as we participate within its theater allows us to stay well-grounded in our expectations of what it truly offers to all those who engage in its offerings.  

It also helps us focus upon the true intent and purpose:  To immerse our patrons in artificial realities which allow them to play out roles of men going through initiations that focuses them upon what they can and need to commit themselves toward to become better men as a result of doing so.

All Freemasonic activities are to do just this.  When we fail as an organization to support them in becoming those better men, our results fall short of our intend goal.

For Further Light:

Why no records?

F&S,

Brother John S. Nagy

PS - For more information on this topic, please consider reading "The Craft Unmasked!  The Uncommon Origin of Freemasonry and its Practice"

A Brother Asks... Why no Innovations?

A Brother Asks: Why is there a section in the Worshipful Master's installation oath that proscribes innovations?

My Response: It comes directly from one of Brother Anderson's Landmarks.  The Landmark in question is as follows:

25.  That the landmarks of Masonry can never be changed.  These constitute the landmarks, or as they have sometimes been called, "the body of Masonry," in which it is not in the power of man or a body of men to make the least innovation.

And it is put in there to assure that the man taking office does not take any liberty in his office.  It is believed that any innovating action would change the Grand Lodge's franchise authorized processes, scripts and choreography that assures consistency in what is offered to all who experience a specific Jurisdiction's Rituals.

That being said, it should be clear from all the changes that have been made over the centuries and the wide diversity in rules, regulations, landmarks (that are recognized), rituals and lectures, that Freemasonry is full of innovations. It must have them since it is primarily a social Order that must keep up with the times and the norms of each society it is within.

Masonry though, being different from Freemasonry, has no innovations at its most basic core levels.

1. Apprentice: What Masonry requires from men to mature is exactly the same now as it has been from the beginning of mankind.  
2. Fellow: What Masonry requires of men to learn is exactly the same now as it has been from the moment such things were taught in schools as far back in time as Ancient Athens.

The core has not changed since its beginnings and, when Freemasonry came into the Grand Lodge Era (circa 1717ish), its Ritual made every effort to capture this in its Privatized Morality plays; plays that, to this day, continue to change based upon the needs of any one particular jurisdiction.  Its focus though has remained consistent:  Mature men and Make them Learned, but only when they desire to do the Work to accomplish both!

Masonry does however have technological advancements at its Master level. This occurs each time the men who Practice and Master Masonry discover new understandings or uncover old understandings that should be implemented at that level from then on.

That is why Masonry is referred to as "a Progressive Science", while Freemasonry is a static art, well, at least until societal changes force it to innovate once again, as it should.

As you perpend all this, keep in mind that the landmarks are not universally embraced and those that are, vary widely from one jurisdiction to another.  Some actually have in writing that innovations are permissible with "the consent of the Grand Lodge having first been obtained." 

F&S,

Brother John S. Nagy

A Brother Asks... Why no Females?

 

 

A Brother Asks: Why aren't females permitted in mainstream's open lodge activities?

 

My Response: Because the members of the male-craft version of Freemasonry, by way of a written proscription, decided about 300 years ago to create and support a "no female" environment. It can't get any plainer or simpler than this.

 

He Continues: Do you believe that it's because the Craft is keeping a stonemason tradition that didn't permit women masons?

 

My Response: No. That is not a stonecraft tradition and it never was one. Like so many other stories in Freemasonry, this lore was made up to support and justify what we have today.

 
The fact is, we are not a continuation of those guilds. We never were. That is fabricated lore that supports a fabricated fantasy; it is not fact.

Moreover, if we are to be considered a continuation of anything it would be the theatrical societies of medieval times when most all guilds put on "mystery plays" (The word "mystery" at that time meant "occupation" when applied to this term). Such theatrical groups did not permit women not because they didn't want them to participate but due to society norms and more especially the laws of the time proscribing woman from participating as actors in theatrical productions.

In other words, it was illegal to have them involved.

If you think about it, if the Craft are to continue doing the theater that we do, focusing our patrons upon their morality, and remain true to the theater norms of that time, no woman would be allowed in what we do, ever.

That being said, the tradition is outdated. Times and attitudes have changed.
 
But men's mentalities and needs to be in all men groups are not governed by the laws of man. They are governed by a strong psychological need to be away from female influences when communing with other men, even if all that they are participating in is mind-numbing business meetings.

I believe if you examine the evidence, the organization more than fills that need for some.

He Continues: Modern freemasonry has enacted many amendments to its rules, but none related to gender. Why?

My Response: We have a men's society and we like it that way for a multitude of reasons; all personal to the men folk who engage in it. 

He Continues:  Is this rule related something deeper, perhaps related to cabala, alchemy, etc.?

My Response: Nah. You can tunnel down a thousand rabbit holes of fantasy and rationalized woowoo but the central fact is simple: The membership wants a place to hang out with only their male homies. 

 

Here's a question thrown back at you: Why must this basic desire be explained and justified further?

 

He Continues:  Maybe esoteric masons can explain?

 

My Response: They could, but it would not help to clarify and bring into focus the male only picture by throwing rubbish upon it. 

 

Men want a place they can get away from specific influences that take them away from what they want to be focusing upon.  Religion, Politics, Unnecessary Friction (and Drama!), and Women are but a few.  The men of the male-craft versions of Freemasonry have created these places and they call them their own. 

 

The less mature members of the organization feel that they need to explain this to those who want such influences in their own gatherings and they construct elaborate reasons and excuses when they make effort to convey this. 

 

The mature members of the organization do not need to explain or justify it. Their attitude is simple:  If you want something different, create it for yourself somewhere else, and don't try to force it upon us when you do.

 

I err toward this latter attitude, but take the time to expand upon it a bit for the benefit of our newbies.

 

F&S,

 

Brother John S. Nagy

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Brother Asks... How are Ashlars and Jacob's Ladder Connected?

A Brother Asks: What relationship do Ashlars and Jacob's Ladder have?

My Response: Let's lay a foundation before we get to an answer.


Ashlars

Ashlars are symbolic for living stones and more specifically they represent within Ritual:

Men who are free, believe in God, are foundationally good and known as such, who have both the capacity and desire to improve themselves and have shown that they have done some Work already.

Please recall: An ashlar is free, claimed, shows no flaws that would prevent it from being used appropriately by the Builder and it is hewn to some degree (pun intended).

Most stones are bound as aggregate within the earth. Some of it is or gets free. Some of that free stone winds up being hewn into shape through specific and directed Work to become Useful to The Builder.

Masons do this shaping Work for The Builder's Use. I truly hope you know to what I am alluding.

Let's review all this on purpose:

The use of Ashlars within Ritual is to point out through metaphor and through allegory that men who desire more must qualify (be suitable) to become members.  Additionally, they must aspire through their actions to become both better and a part of something bigger, grander and important to God.

Jacob's Ladder

This theological ladder both represents and is a connection between Heaven and Earth.  It was created by God and it was provided by Him to mankind.  It is means by which angels (God's Messengers) descend and ascend between the two.

Should a man desire to Strengthen this connection between Heaven and Earth and to have better communication between himself and God, Ritual tells and shows him that there is specific Work to which it directs him to do by way of its use.

Once again, let's review all this on purpose:

The ladder's purpose within Ritual is to point out metaphorically and allegorically the there is a connection and there is Work that men must do to strengthen that connection.

Caveat: The Work Strengthens this connection only and does not guarantee anything more. 


Relationship

You are the Ashlar and the Ladder is a Connection.  Both allude to the Work that improved your connection between

1. Heaven and Earth
2. With the Almighty. 

If you desire a better connection between yourself and God, Work Your Ashlar!


Afterthoughts

For more information on the Ashlar, here is an early article I wrote that is worth reading:  http://buildinghiram.blogspot.com/2009/04/ashlar-unfolded-is-published-again.html.

Admittedly, I would rewrite some of it due to what I have learned since it was first written, but I have far too many other things directing my attention these days.  It should provide a nice overview however.

F&S,

Brother John S. Nagy

A Brother Asks... Are the Twelve Fellow Crafts Reformed Ruffians?

A Brother Asks: Were the remaining Twelve Fellow Crafts Reformed Ruffians[1]?

My Response: Before I respond directly to your question, let me take some liberty here and lay a foundation for it. 

Freemasonry does not make good men better. That is a fabricated slogan that serves the purpose of gaining the interest of a target market.  It has worked unbelievably well over the years and is well suited to that purpose.

If you inspect the results of Craft influence in an unbiased way, it should become obvious from the evidence that it is only by Seeking and Practicing Masonry, not Freemasonry, that a Good Man becomes a Better Man.

That being said, Mainstream Freemasonry is an organization of men who collectively claim that they seek to make Good Men Better.  They also lay claim to supporting this end without wavering.  They do this by directing members' attention toward focusing upon those things that each can do to improve themselves.  They do this in the hope that Members may eventually come to know and embrace Masonry; not just Freemasonry.

However, these claims must be backed by action on the part of each member for that Betterment to be realized.  The first step toward that end is Realizing and Understanding that there actually is a difference between the organization and what it espouses. The second step is Realizing and Understanding that Participation in organizational activities is not the same as doing the Work that it espouses; these are two entirely different activities and they serve different ends. 

Should you get upset or offended by this information? Only if you insist upon not earnestly examining what Betterment of yourself actually entails.

Back to your Question

From a very deep and personal perspective, I find the Three Fellow Crafts who went back to Work more heroic than any other characters within the Temple's Allegorical Tale. I see taking up the Work with unwavering intent to Complete it, as in "to complete their respective temples," to be one of the most heroic and noblest of journeys any Man can undertake.

To Recognize this need and Dedicate oneself to its fulfillment and completion to be a rare and noble quality.

But that's just me. I know from experience what it actually takes. A man must cultivate something very special and utterly unique within himself to take such Work on and then move it toward completion.

It Transforms the man, his life and his world.

The Work is not for wimps, wusses, or Ruffians. 

 The other Nine Ruffians?  The story doesn't say what happened to them.  That being said, it was clear that all twelve were threatened with the same punishment that the three who committed the crime eventually suffered, if the three were not brought to justice.  The Nine Ruffians who were never heard from again did not bring the three to justice and therefore we are left to understand that they left for parts unknown, never to return, much like many who depart who never apprehend the Work necessary to bring their Work to justice.

And there in lies the answer to your question. 

The Twelve Fellow Craft were part of the original conspiracy to ruff[2] on the required Work.  They had every intention to ruff.  They were going to follow through with ruffing and ultimately changed their minds.  Of the twelve, we are left with the distinct impression that only three returned and planned to opt out of ruffing and followed suit on pursuing the Work.  By all Blue Lodge accounts, we are left with a distinct understanding that only three had plans to reform their ways and get back to business - doing the Work.

So, "Yes", only these three were reformed Ruffians, or, at least, Working toward that end.

F&S,

Brother John S. Nagy
-------------------------------

[1] Ruffian: One who ruffs; one who does not follow suit; one who skips over what is usually necessary to accomplish a desired end.
[2] Ruff: an archaic term meaning to "trump"; to not follow suit; to skip over what is usually necessary to accomplish a desired end.

A Brother Asks... Completing the Apprentice Work...

A Brother Asks: How do you know when you have completed the Apprentice Work?

My Response: Out of all the topics that are messed up in the minds of far too many Brothers, this is one of the top ten. 

Background: There exists a huge swath of members who are of the mentality that, because one can never ever be "flawless", one can never not be an Apprentice.  This is a misleading conclusion that is wrought by the wrongful application of a non-freemasonic religious doctrine that they have brought with them when they joined and applied upon the existing dogma of the Fraternity. 

Apprentice Work is about Laying a Foundation.  It is about Preparing to Build (Learn!).  It is not about being flawless and it never was!  It is about Building a Strong Foundation of Maturity. 

How do you know when you have completed the Work of the first Degree? Great question! Let's go through the list (in no particular order):

1. Proactive - You have Trained yourself to be Self-Initiating.  You do not wait for others to Prompt you toward taking actions that you know need to be taken. 
2. Vision - You have Developed and Embraced a Clear Vision as to what you need to do to Mature. 
3. Improvement - You know what Betterment means to you and for you.  You have focused your Energies upon bringing this about and do so without excuse.
4. Importance - You know what's Important to you and what is not.
5. Choices & Decisions - You make Better, and more importantly, More Mature Choices & Decisions because you know what is Important and what is not.
6. Priorities - You focus upon things that are important. You do not participate long or frequently in any activities that are unimportant.
7. Self-Knowledge - You are not in denial about who you truly are and what you do.  You know yourself very well and because you do, you come to know others very well too, sometimes even better than they know themselves.
8. Values - You know what you Value, what you don't Value and why.  You do not profess or claim false values.
9. Morality - You know your Morals and can express them clearly and succinctly.  What's more, you know where you are immoral, the consequences of that immorality and willingly embrace the liabilities involved and without excuse.
10. Standards - You have Established Specific Standards to which you make every effort to live authentically and without excuse.
11. Time Management - You use time more effectively first and then you use time more efficiently.
12. Divestment - You have become skilled in both...
1) Identifying Superfluities & Vices; and
2) Successfully Divesting yourself of them once identified.
13. Investment - You make every effort to practice Virtues and you have Integrated them into your daily manners.
14. Circumscription - You know what your Passions are and you Employ Successful Methods that keep them Circumscribed.
15. Subduing - You know what your Desires are and Employ Successful Methods that keep them Subdued.
16. Boundaries - You Successfully both Establish and Maintain your Boundaries as needed and appropriate to those with which you deal.
17. Integrity - You know where you have Integrity and where you lack Integrity.
18. Civility - You Integrate your knowledge, morality, awareness and skill sets effectively and considerately into all your daily dealings.
19. Responsibility - You Embrace Responsibility for what you know you need to be doing to Mature and Maintain Maturity.
20. Accountability - You...
1. Stand By;
2. Willingly Embrace; and
3. Have Trained yourself not to Outrun by Excuse 

          ...Authentic Liabilities wrought by your Choices and Decisions.

Will you do all this flawlessly? Probably not. But that was never truly the goal. The Goal was to...

1. Lay the Foundation, and
2. Put these Activities on Auto-Pilot 

...so that you can Continue to Mature in other directions!

Here's an Apprentice Work Acid Test:  If you want to know if Brothers are either doing or have done the Apprentice Work, just go through the above list and evaluate their Progress.  Are they still struggling on any of these items?  It should become evident to you by their manner, self-knowledge and personal discipline whether they are doing or have done the work. 

However, I tend to use a short cut acid test.  I get them involved in a conversation about whether they are still Apprentices.  The moment they drift into the "We're all Apprentices" territory, it's pretty clear to me that they are and very likely have no clue what the actual Apprentice Work is and what it is Intended to Do for those who do it.  With such persons, discussing or using such an assessment list at all would be an unnecessary act.

F&S,

Brother John S. Nagy'

 

For Further Light:

 

 

The Craft Perfected!

A Brother Asks: Doing Business with Brothers

 
 

A Brother Asks[1]: Coach.  I was brought into some business situations by a Brother who wanted to be paid cash only.  I engaged in these opportunities alongside him in good faith and things worked out because those paying him didn’t require any tracking, insurance or certifications.  Initially, these “cash only” situations were between him and those who were paying him, not me, and they did not affect me, at least, not directly. 

Ultimately, more opportunities opened up and, to take advantage of them, my business operations were required to deal with these other businesses directly.  However, since my business was now doing direct business with these other businesses, my Brother wanted to work for me in these opportunities and he wanted to do so for cash only, as he did before in the other situations.

And there is where the problems started.  These new opportunities required tracked payments, proof of insurance and proof of credentials. I could provide all this for my Brother through my business but he wanted no part of any of these aspects, even though I could provide them to and for him with his cooperation.  I’m still engaged in these opportunities but I can’t include him since he has made it impossible based upon his constraints.  He is quite upset about me not bending to his will on this.

The trouble he is causing now is insane.  He is an officer in my Lodge and has shared his dissatisfaction of the situation with other Lodge Brothers.  Some have approached me with what he is saying about me. It is causing disharmony for all involved.  I’m also finding out that this is not new behavior for him.  He was run out of a previous Lodge for similar activities.  I have attempted repeatedly to contact him but he refuses to respond to any effort I make. 

Coach!  Do you have any insights or suggestions?

My Response: Yes Bro.!  Please stop seeking to reconcile with him. You shall never find peace and satisfaction with this man based upon the game that is being played by him.

From what you wrote, you did him a favor by offering him an opportunity to participate and he didn't want to reciprocate professionally. He chose to not cooperate with you and not to contribute his fare share to assure that he could continue working with you. That reeks of obligation violation.

Furthermore, payment in cash means that he doesn't want to have his income tracked. The fact that he will work for "cash only" tells me that he is involved in an unethical and potentially illegal game financially and wants to consciously and deliberately usurp whatever rules that govern his financial situation.

You are doing things legally, morally and ethically and he expects you to not do this to have him involved. He does not have the right to complain if you offered him an opportunity to work with you under specific conditions that prevent YOU from getting in trouble.

Brother. Stop the game. He is offering you a place in his Drama Triangle to control you and to obtain power over you and over all that will listen to his "story". He is engaged in emotional blackmail and manipulation and that is not what friends or Brothers do to one another.

Don't give it to his game. Accept that he doesn't see that he

1. is not on the level with you,
2. not being upright in his dealings with you and others; and
3. is being immoral in his choices and expectations.

You deserve better and should demand it.

If all that you say is true, you have done NOTHING WRONG, other than allow yourself to feel unnecessary guilt over all this.

But this is not all of it Brother.  Here are some thoughts to consider for your business.

Because of my varied professions ( I wear 4 business hats), I have many opportunities to do business with Brothers; and I do just that -- Business.

I now have engagement letters that establish what is required and expected in any business arrangement. Very few Brothers dishonor me due to me:

1. being up front with what is expected to be engaged in and delivered from each of us; and
2. expecting them to do the same.

-- and doing all this IN WRITING!

When I am asked to participate in anything underhanded, no matter how slight, I say no deal and move on.

It's an interesting experience to have a Brother spell out in writing what they expect from me. Most will not spell out anything underhanded because they realize by writing it out, they are admitting that they are asking me to engage in something that is wrong to some degree (yes, punned allusion intended!).   An upright, level and square Brother has no problem writing out what is agreed to and actually prefers it (Think Trestleboard!)

I have many great business deals with my Brothers and I shall continue to do the same as long as I am still working.

That being said, I've had a few dishonoring Brotherly engagements that drove me to use an engagement letter for all opportunities. These dishonoring Brothers are still in debt to me for what I provided to them. The interesting thing is that these Brothers are so bogged down due to other accountabilities that they have been trying to out run that they will likely go to their death never cleaning up the messes that they have been making. The sad aspect is many of them have no clue that they are engaging in life dishonorably. They have no clue that the obligation about wronging, cheating and defrauding others covers not only material (physical, legal, moral or ethical) things, but intellectual, emotional, and spiritual things as well.  

Case in point, by asking you to engage as your Brother desires you to engage, how would you be wronged, cheated or defrauded out of material (physical, legal, moral or ethical), intellectual, emotional, and spiritual values that you hold in high regard?  As a business professional, I see quite a few things immediately and I hope that you do too.

I hope this question puts a different focus on your situation!

The engagement letters I currently have and employ have helped me minimize the influence of unethical and irresponsible Brothers and others on my life and I waste less time with these sorts than ever before. I whole heartedly recommend that you do the same into the future.

Brother, you have had a lot of lessons presented to you in this situation. They were lessons only though. If you wish to learn from them, your behavior must change in line with the lessons presented.   Until your behavior changes along these lines, all you have are lessons.

Of course, you could avoid doing business with your Brothers in general. That behavior change might protect you from those who might do things like this, but it won't protect you from the true problem that you caused by not having good business practices in place when it comes to working with anyone - known or unknown.

However, you could also do business with your good Brothers and others in a way that protects you and them from the situation at hand.

You know what you should do to assure good business into the future. Do it and don't look back.

An afterthought observation and question: 

1. Although I don't think he realizes it, your Brother did you a great service to you by distancing himself from you as he did.
2. When you choose to look the other way when a Brother purposely gets paid in cash to avoid tracking, should that not be a fair warning to walk away too?

F&S,

Brother John S. Nagy

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[1] Paraphrased, shortened and clarified for posting purposes.