Monday, February 15, 2016

Masonic E.D.: Cure Found!

Flaccid Peaks UT – In an unusual twist to most Freemasonic communications, the Grand Lodge of Utah has announced today that it has discovered a cure for what is referred to as, “Masonic E.D.”, an embarrassing and rarely discussed condition found within far too many Freemasonic circles.  In a most unfortunate and painful revelation, the Grand Lodge’s Masonic E.D. was unzipped and put on display for public scrutiny by the Grand Lodge itself.
“Yes, we have indeed discovered a cure for this dreaded placid condition that has plagued the Craft from its inception”, stated Grand Lodge Spokesperson Imperial Potentate Eric Shun.  “It became unbelievably clear to us and hard to dispute once we began to examine the causes behind our Lodge’s Dysfunction over the last fifty plus years.  We were birthing fewer and fewer members during this time and the cause was staring us right in the face.”

As one disgusted Brother put it, “Part of the reason behind our reduction in membership is due to stiff competition from other organizations and distractions.  We’re simply not up to bringing new members in as we once did before.  Our Masonic E.D. has not helped in any of this.  It's effected the overall performance of every lodge suffering from it.”
“We need to bone up on[i] what we offer to our current members”, said one frustrated member.  “Masonic E.D. should be discussed openly by all members concerned about its effects upon all our Masonic building efforts.  After all, you’re not going to erect anything worthwhile without proper preparation.”

Regrettably, the cure for Masonic E.D. is not being embraced by many though.  Some find the pill hard to swallow.  Others read up on the cure, but are soon turned off by what is required to put it into play.   Still more have turned a blind eye to it claiming it somehow cheapens the Freemasonry they have come to know and love.
The results are a mixed blessing too. The few who have taken it have shown some outstanding results.  Unfortunately, such individuals are soon shunned by those exposed to their improved performance.  Some are even attacked because of it.

Some old timers were not impressed with the cure announcements. Past Master Worshipful Brother Baron Temples had this to say. “We never talked about these things in my day.  We just recited Ritual harder and longer and none of it was ever cut.” He took a deep breath and continued with, “We just kept going at it, day in and day out.  Eventually it produced the results we wanted.”  He added with a sigh, “These wussy millennials want a magic pill for everything.  If they can’t perform, it’s not the Lodge’s fault!  They need to Mason up and just learn to repeat things back without complaint or getting bored.”
In commemoration of the good news, the Grand Lodge has asked that all Lodge flags be flown at half staff on this date into perpetuity.

For more information on Masonic Educational Dysfunction (M.E.D.), please get a hold of a Brother who has worthwhile books and start reading and discussing what you read with Brothers not suffering from this unfortunate malady.

Brother John S. Nagy


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