Flaccid
Peaks UT – In an unusual twist to most Freemasonic
communications, the Grand Lodge of Utah has announced today that it has discovered
a cure for what is referred to as, “Masonic E.D.”, an embarrassing and rarely
discussed condition found within far too many Freemasonic circles. In a most unfortunate and painful revelation,
the Grand Lodge’s Masonic E.D. was unzipped and put on display for public
scrutiny by the Grand Lodge itself.
“Yes, we have indeed discovered a cure for this
dreaded placid condition that has plagued the Craft from its inception”, stated
Grand Lodge Spokesperson Imperial Potentate Eric Shun. “It became unbelievably clear to us and hard
to dispute once we began to examine the causes behind our Lodge’s Dysfunction
over the last fifty plus years. We were
birthing fewer and fewer members during this time and the cause was staring us
right in the face.”
As one disgusted Brother put it, “Part of the reason
behind our reduction in membership is due to stiff competition from other
organizations and distractions. We’re
simply not up to bringing new members in as we once did before. Our Masonic E.D. has not helped in any of
this. It's effected the overall performance of every lodge suffering from it.”
“We need to bone up on[i] what
we offer to our current members”, said one frustrated member. “Masonic E.D. should be discussed openly by
all members concerned about its effects upon all our Masonic building efforts. After all, you’re not going to erect anything
worthwhile without proper preparation.”
Regrettably, the cure for Masonic E.D. is not being
embraced by many though. Some find the
pill hard to swallow. Others read up on
the cure, but are soon turned off by what is required to put it into play. Still more have turned a blind eye to it
claiming it somehow cheapens the Freemasonry they have come to know and love.
The results are a mixed blessing too. The few who have
taken it have shown some outstanding results.
Unfortunately, such individuals are soon shunned by those exposed to their
improved performance. Some are even attacked because of it.
Some old timers were not impressed with the cure
announcements. Past Master Worshipful Brother Baron Temples had this to say. “We
never talked about these things in my day.
We just recited Ritual harder and longer and none of it was ever cut.”
He took a deep breath and continued with, “We just kept going at it, day in and
day out. Eventually it produced the
results we wanted.” He added with a sigh,
“These wussy millennials want a magic pill for everything. If they can’t perform, it’s not the Lodge’s
fault! They need to Mason up and just
learn to repeat things back without complaint or getting bored.”
In commemoration of the good news, the Grand Lodge
has asked that all Lodge flags be flown at half staff on this date into perpetuity.
For more information on Masonic Educational
Dysfunction (M.E.D.), please get a hold of a Brother who has worthwhile books
and start reading and discussing what you read with Brothers not suffering from
this unfortunate malady.
F&S,
Brother John S. Nagy
[i] http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/70800.html
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